Leadership Development: What Makes a Good Leader

First, there's a debate over what distinguishes the competencies of management vs. leadership. I view management as tactical (e.g., managing staff hours, administrative activities, etc.) where as leadership is more strategic or visionary (e.g., inspiring people to perform to their potential, growing a team, etc.).

I also believe managers are position-based where as anyone can exhibit the qualities of a leader. That said, as you move up in an organization, you need to learn what activities or competencies you need to gain and which ones you need to get your staff to start taking over.

My favorite book on this topic is by Scott Eblin, entitled The Next Level. He also has a 360 Leadership Assessment (in which I'm certified), that aligns to the book. Essentially, his premise is that there are qualities you much "let go" and others you must "pick up" as you move into a managerial / leadership position.

While my list is influenced by Scott Eblin, it's my own version of what I've observed and learned throughout my career to date. Here are my top three:

1. When you're a leader, you need to influence behaviors and have a sense of political savvy. Some would say that you have to know how to "play the game" but I think it's more than that. It's not just about playing the game, because then it seems disingenuous. As a leader, you need to think about how to motivate others to agreement and/or action by understanding how THEY want to be communicated with, not how you want to communicate to them. Just because you have a message to get across, doesn't mean it's phrased in a way that the other folks want to hear. Find out what appeals to them, what's important to them, and work from there.
2. Delegation is key, but not the way you think. As you move up in an organization, you can no longer be the "do-er," but rather you need to learn to manage what needs to be done so that the mission is achieved. As a manager you serve as a task master, but as a leader, you serve the role of guiding the team around you and mentoring them as needed. Teach the team to fish rather than giving them the fish. And don't send them out to learn to fish on their own if you can help lead them down the right path.
3. Start to use powerful questions. Before I get to the "why", first I want to answer "what is a powerful question?" Powerful questions get people to think deeper and expand your final end game for the whole team. They are open ended, and come from a place of curiosity rather than information gathering. Often times managers ask, "When will this be done?" or, "Where are we on this?" A powerful question would be, "What are we not thinking about?" or, "How can we make this product better?" The powerful question takes you out of that task master, manager role, and into a leadership, guiding others role. The basic rule for powerful questions is to avoid a question that has a single, short answer. Also avoid "why" so that you don't subconsiously appear to assign blame for something ("Why did it go wrong?" turns into, "How could we do this better?" or, "What did we miss?").

What are some powerful questions that you think you should be asking?

Mom Posts: Traveling WITH My Little One

In May, my husband and I will be traveling with our almost-4-month-old to Long Island for a family wedding. Originally, we were planning on having my mother-in-law babysit, but my trip without her plus the fact that it's my first ever Mother's Day solidified that we will be taking her with us. Here are a few tips we've accumulated thus far:

TSA/Security and the Airport:

• Infants do not need photo ID unless you're traveling abroad, but always check current policies to be certain
• Know the TSA security screening procedures for children, which can be found here. I would print a copy to be safe
• Know the TSA policies on traveling with formula, breastmilk and juice, found here, and definitely print a copy if you may be traveling with any of those items
• Plan for tons of extra time (in case you haven't figured that out by now!)
• Scope out the family restrooms before you need them!
• Use the pre-boarding option if you happen to fly an airline that still allows early boarding with children

On the Plane:

• Call the airline to notify them you will have an infant with you on your lap
• Plan to nurse or feed your little one during take-off and landing; but know that some airlines do have specific policies and you may want to do your research
• Check out my friend Lindsey's blog, the Pursuit of Pink, on traveling with an infant to see the cute packets she made nearby passengers so they were a bit more forgiving if the baby starts to cry; the packets had a note from her daughter, a pack of oreos, and a pair of ear plugs. The items were cute but her note is even cuter so you must check it out!

Hotels:

• Call the hotel (in our case, hotels) to request a crib. Ask if there's a charge so you're aware. In our case, we had to get a larger room to fit the pack'n'play they're supplying us because the room we'd booked only had room for 2 people
• Also ask if you can get a fridge in the room, if it doesn't come with one. If you have a medical need, it's usually free of charge (breastmilk counts, and you can research if formula does)

Rental Car:

• If renting a car, decide what you'll do about car seats; we plan to bring a spare we happen to have so that our good one isn't accidentally damaged; many companies now rent car seats but be aware that you may not know how to install it if it's a different brand from your own

Packing:

• A few days before traveling, start taking note of:
• how many diapers you go through in a day and multiply by the number of days traveling (remember you can always buy more though!)
• what toys/books you use; I only bring one book and one toy since she's so little
• any special items you need for the bedtime routine (e.g., we used a giraffe that makes white noise for a while, though she no longer needs it)
• Gear:
• We plan to gate check a stroller, check a car seat (under the plane) and I'll use the Ergo carrier while walking around most of the time. Check out these cases I bought at Babies'R'Us to protect them from getting dirty
• Feeding:
• We plan to bring one bottle, a hand pump, and some sanitizing wipes just in case, but I plan to nurse exclusively
• A nursing cover if you wish to have one
• Burp cloths and bibs (our baby spits up... sometimes not at all, sometimes literally ALL she eats)
• Other items to think about:
• Swaddle if your baby uses one at night (our's does!)
• Pacifiers if your baby uses them (our's does not...she can't figure them out)
• A blanket for the plane and car
• Medicine (if you need Tylenol, vitamin D, any other medicine they regularly take)

What are your tips? I'd also love to hear success stories or mishaps!

Mom Posts: Traveling WITHOUT My Little One

This week, I had to travel to TX for work without my 3 month old baby girl. I'm not going to lie...it sucked. To those who don't yet have kids, this may be TMI, so....fair warning!

Luckily, I love the work I do and while I was meeting with and interviewing the clients for the project, I was fully distracted. However, in addition to missing her little face every day, since I am nursing exclusively, that meant every 2 hours I had to find a place to pump. That was not easy!

The worst part was that every time I would get close to the two hour mark (or sometimes 3-4 hours!!!), I would start to feel a strong sense of panic. It was worst when we landed at 11:30, had to get bags, rent a car, grab lunch at a deli, and race to the client for a 1:30 meeting. I was lucky that the 1:30 meeting ran a bit late and that my boss was willing to start the meeting without me if need be, but I went for almost 4 hours without pumping and I was freaking out.

All that aside, as I left for the airport at home I told my husband that as long as I had to go, I was going to enjoy myself as best I could. I was going to "rock this" and not dwell on the fact that I was sad to leave my little one (and by sad I mean I couldn't stop crying the day before!).

Before the trip I did a ton of research and here are all of the tidbits I compiled:

• First and foremost, just accept that you may have to pump rather than eat or use the restroom. While it sucks, you don't want to risk a blocked duct or worse. I brought granola and Lara bars with me just for that reason!
• TSA / Airport:
• Read and print the TSA policy (here) - know they cannot open it, make you taste it, etc - and know that you can travel with as much as you need even if you do not have your infant with you
• Before you go through airport security, notify the TSA agent that you have ice packs for medical reasons; if you have milk, notify them of that as well (it's required)
• You can choose not to have the milk go through the x-ray and they will conduct other tests. Have the policy with you so you can politely point to it if need be
• Have your cooler ice packs frozen solid before you leave
• Scope out the family restrooms; all four airports I was in had them and each had outlets and a large enough countertop to lay everything out
• Flying home, I brought a soft sided cooler and three larger ice packs (not dinky ones for your lunch size). I put all the chilled milk in bags like these, put those into a double layer of gallon freezer bags, wrapped it one more time in a grocery bag and then into the cooler. That cooler went in my CHECKED luggage, because I already had two carry-ons (laptop bag and pump bag). Make sure you have two coolers if you do this because you need a small cooler with the pump for while you travel
• Try to book a non-stop flight. This wasn't in the cards for me since our flight was booked 6 days before leaving!
• Hotel:
• Call the hotel in advance to request a refrigerator for medical reasons - make sure they know that the mini bar fridge may not work because sometimes they don't get cold enough
• My fridge had to cool down because it was just plugged in when I arrived. My husband had the brilliant idea to get ice from the ice machine to chill the milk while it cooled, AND I filled my larger cooler with ice and stuck it in the fridge to cool the fridge down faster.
• The hotel will usually allow you to freeze your ice packs in their fridge. Mine asked me to fill out a form so they don't lose anything. I had a cooler with a bag tag that had my name on them
• I pumped into bottles but every night put the milk into bags like these, so I could label them and I would have the bottles cleaned and ready for the next day
• Timing:
• Think in advance about what times you'll need to pump. It's different for every mom because every baby eats on their own schedule. Try to stick to that schedule so your body doesn't get confused
• Be flexible when you can. As my lactation consultant said, as long as you keep up your supply, everything else is okay. If you have to throw milk away, don't stress about it! Just keep it coming
• Don't forget that if you have night time feedings, you need to do night time pumping. My husband said before I left "at least you'll get more sleep" and I reminded him that I still needed to get up every night. That said, I didn't have to set an alarm...my body told me to get up!
• Cleaning:
• Buy Medela Quick Cleaning Wipes; you should assume you won't always be able to clean everything
• You can also use Medela Quick Clean Microsteam Bags (thanks Jenn Whitaker and others for the recommendation)
• Bring a small container of soap (I used a free trial of Honest Company soap - it was all natural) because you'll want to rinse/wash everything thoroughly every night with steaming hot water
• If you can, refrigerate your pump accessories/parts in between sessions (I didn't have the luxury)
• One friend suggested bringing a microwaveable container to heat water in for sanitizing, but I didn't have the room (I used the wipes instead)
• General:
• Make sure the pump has batteries and pack an extra set of batteries
• Always have the hand pump with you, just in case
• Remember that if you're away from your little one, you may want to have a drink; for information on nursing + alcohol, check out this link from my friend Jenn Whitaker (a Doula) from a post by KellyMom.com
• Use FaceTime or Skype when you can!
• Bring pictures and videos. I had them on my phone but couldn't bring my phone into the client's location, so it would have been nice to have a hard copy photo with me

Do you have any other helpful hints for traveling without your little one?

I'll have a new post in May about traveling WITH your little one! After this trip we've decided to bring her with us on our trip to a family member's wedding.

Couponing: Harris Teeter Super Doubles through 4/1/2014

Today's the last day for Harris Teeter's Super Doubles, which end at midnight tonight, Tuesday, April 1, 2014. Be sure to check out the Harris Teeter Coupon Policy before shopping.

I went through a few sites and pulled together a few items I hope to get! I tried to organize according to the layout of my store, but your store may be different.

Legend: SS = Smart Source, RP = Red Plum

MEATS (both lunch meats and the meat section)

Al Fresco Chicken Breast Sausage Country Style, 8 oz, $3.99 ($1.99 w/ coupons)
  $1/1 Al Fresco product, 7, 8, 12 or 14 oz. (Facebook) 
  $1/1 Al Fresco product, 7, 8, 12 or 14 oz.

Claussen Pickles, $3.99 ($2.89 w/ coupon)
  $0.55/1 Claussen Pickles Printable


DAIRY/EGGS

Lactaid Cottage Cheese, $3.29 ($2.29 w/ coupon)
  $0.50/1 Printable

Kashi GoLean Crisp Cereal, $2.49 ($1.14 ea w/ coupons)
  $0.70/1 Cereal Printable
  $1/2 Kashi Cereal MFR

FROZEN FOODS

Mrs. T's Pierogies, 12 ct., $1.79 each (B1G1)
  $1/3 Mrs. T's Pierogies
  $1.50/3 Mrs. T's Pierogies, RP 3/02

DRUGSTORE ITEMS

Always Pantyliner, 30+ ct.
  $0.50/1 ZVR
  $0.50/1 Always Pantyliners Printable

Tide Detergent
  $0.50/1 ZVR
  $1.50/2 Tide Printable

PAPER PRODUCTS

Quilted Northern, 12 Double Roll,
  $1/1 ZVR
  $2/1 ultra plush